Life's to short to even care at all!!

I don't care how hard life is. I love it. I love my husband and kids - I love my garden, my frogs who've moved into my garden pond light up my heart. My husband is the most amazing loving man I have ever imagined could exist. He is the rock in my chaotic life! How my world is enriched by his appearance. Ten years in August. We met in 2005. And got married two weeks later!

Trying.

I have come to the realization that the problem I'm having is that I see certain things she does that I do, but these attributes are what I got from my evil mother... I constantly fight the urge to lash out and be mean, devious, lying. I try to be a good person because I want to be a better person than my family taught me is normal. If normal is lying, cheating, anger, abuse, and mental torture- I refuse to be normal! So here I am fighting these things and then my kid Is not just embracing the dark side, she's calling out to it! How can a sane person just sit and watch another destroy in every way she can, your life? Surely, I am not that person. I realize I may, one day, have this diary blog read by the individual I'm referencing time and time again. And that is okay. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I live, breathe, and have enclaved myself with honesty. It is all I have. So the only thing I say to this person is; hear me now if you never listened before... How you have lived is how you have chosen to mold your existence, and we (your family) have instilled every moral and ethic we have developed in ourselves through taking the high road, which is the only path you should take. I have loved you without a shred of expecting any change in your behavior. Because I do love you. I will always love you. My baby is my baby but I love the baby I had. I guard against the monster that hurts me. You always remember that. You will not win.

The Truth

What if I'm wrong and she's not a sociopath? 

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1. Notice the all seeing eye and 666 in the swirls! Look closely...

"Sister scratch, scratch, scratched!"

An Unusual Predicament....

First action- younger child will never leave my side. We had a serious interaction with her recently. I found a notebook of hers from school, so being a mother, I started to see what the hell she does in class all day...... Only to find several pages of dark angst and sketches she had collected together. "Wow!" I thought, what a great find! Usually this kid is like a brick mailbox with a key entry. But here were some poems and as I read them they made me angry... They made me cry. One was heart breaking- "I will draw you a picture, a picture with a twist, I'll draw it with a razor blade, I'll draw it on my wrist."  - I mean my heart caught in my throat to read that! What am I facing here? These are not some unhappy kid sad about the silver spoon up their ass not being a platinum one. Really, it's scary because she was into some witchcraft Ouiji board junk at school... In these poems she's talking about "he" will help her conquer some problem.... A problem solved "two birds with one stone"..... Another poem talks about her sister- & about leading away little children into the woods! A number of child aged murderers (Jesse Pomeroy being a really early case...) lead other smaller little kids into the woods..... She's like the actor Christian Bale from American Psycho she would never let you see it coming. My husband put a door with a keyed lock in our hallway just to keep her from being able to access her sister or our bedrooms at night. It has a motion detector on our side with a remote to arm/disarm. I felt safe! Ha! Later that week I gave her sister a bath only to find a row of four scratches along her abdomen- with several in the index  finger location. The younger one says "sister scratch scratch scratch!" And I asked "what?!" And she says, "sister, she scratch scratch scratched!" And motions scratching across her stomach and I immediately call to my husband- we confer and have the older come explain herself when she looked coldly at me and stared me dead in the eye- stated; "prove it." And walked away with a glimmer of  haughty indignance. Wtf. I just shimmered with rage but I could only remain calm because an emotional explosion is what she's waiting for! I just walk away from these interactions with her with another clue to how I can fight the barrage of attacks I can accurately assume I am going to be subject to for the next four years until she is eighteen. So basically- our younger child will never be without us or at least seperated from the older by a locked door at all times...