Even the person without love feels pain...

It's really heartbreaking and it made me cry but man it's hard to know these are the "feelings" she's portraying - the hurt victim. It's messed up that she makes me look like the evil aggressor here.

"First action- younger child will never leave my side. We had a serious interaction with her recently. I found a notebook of hers from school, so being a mother, I started to see what the hell she does in class all day...... Only to find several pages of dark angst and sketches she had collected together. "Wow!" I thought, what a great find! Usually this kid is like a brick mailbox with a key entry. But here were some poems and as I read them they made me angry... They made me cry. One was heart breaking- "I will draw you a picture, a picture with a twist, I'll draw it with a razor blade, I'll draw it on my wrist."  - I mean my heart caught in my throat to read that! What am I facing here? These are not some unhappy kid sad about the silver spoon up their ass not being a platinum one. Really, it's scary because she was into some witchcraft Ouiji board junk at school... In these poems she's talking about "he" will help her conquer some problem.... A problem solved "two birds with one stone"..... Another poem talks about her sister- & about leading away little children into the woods! A number of child aged murderers (Jesse Pomeroy being a really early case...) lead other smaller little kids into the woods..... She's like the actor Christian Bale from American Psycho she would never let you see it coming. My husband put a door with a keyed lock in our hallway just to keep her from being able to access her sister or our bedrooms at night. It has a motion detector on our side with a remote to arm/disarm. I felt safe! Ha! Later that week I gave her sister a bath only to find a row of four scratches along her abdomen- with several in the index  finger location. The younger one says "sister scratch scratch scratch!" And I asked "what?!" And she says, "sister, she scratch scratch scratched!" And motions scratching across her stomach and I immediately call to my husband- we confer and have the older come explain herself when she looked coldly at me and stared me dead in the eye- stated; "prove it." And walked away with a glimmer of  haughty indignance. Wtf. I just shimmered with rage but I could only remain calm because an emotional explosion is what she's waiting for! I just walk away from these interactions with her with another clue to how I can fight the barrage of attacks I can accurately assume I am going to be subject to for the next four years until she is eighteen. So basically- our younger child will never be without us or at least seperated from the older by a locked door at all times".    

This was... What I had written a few weeks ago.....

The way to sanity is dirt therapy

Love should be free from mind games.

But it seems like the people you have devoted yourself to see you as the perfect game. That's part of what tells you something about that person isn't right. Listen to those little gut feelings. 

Vacation from life

Aint nothin gonna break my stride

Interesting article citing information about these kids

Well here we go again...

I just saw a bag packed in her room. Ugh.

Hahaha

So this time she leaves this letter and says shit about me taking two shots to be happy enough to be around her, well damn right I took a couple shots before we went to pick you up! Most people drink before a flight, I had to travel with my own personal sociopath. Damn right I needed a drink. You my dear are the sad one. This entire crazy adolescent journey would be normal. Peeing on your sister's bath toys and watching her play with and put them in her mouth and drink out of them for years- that is not. Strangling a neighbor's cat is not. It's the satanic murderous poetry that makes me worried. Not your grades.

Wow.

I can't believe this crazy crap. She called and says the parents of her friends said she needed to ask if she could come home, I was like "you could have come home at any point, you were the one who left!" Then we picked her up, went out for hotdogs and got a cupcake in town, nobody lectured or yelled there weren't consequences... We get home and forty minutes later she was gone again. Tied the dog up and left. What is really bizarre is the way she writes these "goodbye" letters- like she's in a movie reading a script. It's like interacting with this candy coated empty shell coated in arsenic. Because she says these things from the pretend persona she panders out to people, but is all fake. Like a celebrity its this idea she thinks people will buy into and take pity on then Bam! She screws them like a fresh prison inmate. Kill the family pet... Hurt their younger child.... Lie, Steal, destroy their property... She is convincing at first. But true colors shine on that one- boy do they shine.

And 72 hrs and 15 minutes later !BOOM! She calls.

15 minutes over the 72 hr mark,  we hear The youngling's voice..... 72 hrs was all I needed to get in that program my dear.....

Disappearing Act

Youth at Risk Info for parents in need of consequences for their child

This is for families in Washington State, but the key is to look up these programs in your own states...

We found the Best Info for Parents like us!

So we've been looking up and researching this for six months... and we came upon some information about a website for at risk youth who basically reign in the child by imposing a consequence (goes to Juvenile Detention or community service) If you're scared of the child hurting someone in the home and are threatening the family or who have run away and had been gone 72 hours or more, you are eligible to be part of this program. The amazing part is where if you don't do what you're supposed to do if you don't get good grades if you do something wrong that's against The court order they take you to juvenile detention or order community service or even fine them if they had a job. I will put all the info on the blog. I hope it can help others as I am ready for it to reign in our personal nightmare.

Life's to short to even care at all!!

I don't care how hard life is. I love it. I love my husband and kids - I love my garden, my frogs who've moved into my garden pond light up my heart. My husband is the most amazing loving man I have ever imagined could exist. He is the rock in my chaotic life! How my world is enriched by his appearance. Ten years in August. We met in 2005. And got married two weeks later!

Trying.

I have come to the realization that the problem I'm having is that I see certain things she does that I do, but these attributes are what I got from my evil mother... I constantly fight the urge to lash out and be mean, devious, lying. I try to be a good person because I want to be a better person than my family taught me is normal. If normal is lying, cheating, anger, abuse, and mental torture- I refuse to be normal! So here I am fighting these things and then my kid Is not just embracing the dark side, she's calling out to it! How can a sane person just sit and watch another destroy in every way she can, your life? Surely, I am not that person. I realize I may, one day, have this diary blog read by the individual I'm referencing time and time again. And that is okay. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I live, breathe, and have enclaved myself with honesty. It is all I have. So the only thing I say to this person is; hear me now if you never listened before... How you have lived is how you have chosen to mold your existence, and we (your family) have instilled every moral and ethic we have developed in ourselves through taking the high road, which is the only path you should take. I have loved you without a shred of expecting any change in your behavior. Because I do love you. I will always love you. My baby is my baby but I love the baby I had. I guard against the monster that hurts me. You always remember that. You will not win.

The Truth

What if I'm wrong and she's not a sociopath? 

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1. Notice the all seeing eye and 666 in the swirls! Look closely...

"Sister scratch, scratch, scratched!"

An Unusual Predicament....

First action- younger child will never leave my side. We had a serious interaction with her recently. I found a notebook of hers from school, so being a mother, I started to see what the hell she does in class all day...... Only to find several pages of dark angst and sketches she had collected together. "Wow!" I thought, what a great find! Usually this kid is like a brick mailbox with a key entry. But here were some poems and as I read them they made me angry... They made me cry. One was heart breaking- "I will draw you a picture, a picture with a twist, I'll draw it with a razor blade, I'll draw it on my wrist."  - I mean my heart caught in my throat to read that! What am I facing here? These are not some unhappy kid sad about the silver spoon up their ass not being a platinum one. Really, it's scary because she was into some witchcraft Ouiji board junk at school... In these poems she's talking about "he" will help her conquer some problem.... A problem solved "two birds with one stone"..... Another poem talks about her sister- & about leading away little children into the woods! A number of child aged murderers (Jesse Pomeroy being a really early case...) lead other smaller little kids into the woods..... She's like the actor Christian Bale from American Psycho she would never let you see it coming. My husband put a door with a keyed lock in our hallway just to keep her from being able to access her sister or our bedrooms at night. It has a motion detector on our side with a remote to arm/disarm. I felt safe! Ha! Later that week I gave her sister a bath only to find a row of four scratches along her abdomen- with several in the index  finger location. The younger one says "sister scratch scratch scratch!" And I asked "what?!" And she says, "sister, she scratch scratch scratched!" And motions scratching across her stomach and I immediately call to my husband- we confer and have the older come explain herself when she looked coldly at me and stared me dead in the eye- stated; "prove it." And walked away with a glimmer of  haughty indignance. Wtf. I just shimmered with rage but I could only remain calm because an emotional explosion is what she's waiting for! I just walk away from these interactions with her with another clue to how I can fight the barrage of attacks I can accurately assume I am going to be subject to for the next four years until she is eighteen. So basically- our younger child will never be without us or at least seperated from the older by a locked door at all times...

The Silver Lining....

We have been really unsure of how to proceed from finding out about the sociopathy info. I am relieved to know that the behavior and her anger aren't because of me. It isn't just my parenting wasn't good enough or I was the reason somehow. It's not my fault! It's just genetic and physiological one in a .... Type of thing where I happened to draw the Lucky Number. What a relief!

The White Elephant in the room....

I wish it weren't true. But it is- my 13 yr old daughter is a sociopathic teen who has violent tendencies along with a passive aggressive MO and a healthy dose of emotional blackmail. She has been actively attempting to get her stepfather to leave for nine years- all she achieved was a .06 GPA for the last two years straight in jr high. She hasn't passed math since fourth grade. When she was younger, (11/12) she had run away multiple times. Recently, caught fire to our carpet under the pool table. She killed our two week old kitten, was caught red handed strangling a neighbors cat during a birthday party, & put her 5yr old sister's life in danger multiple times. She has stolen/cheated/lied/&manipulated me and my husband, my sister, and countless other people she's encountered. I'm fed up and all I keep seeing is "get the sociopath out of your life." How do you do that when it's a dependent?? I refuse to be a victim. I am really ready to plan an offensive. What else are my choices? Lying and taking it isn't who I am. I am a confront your problems person, but the medical people always say not to let them (the abuser) know your plans or weakness. I'm so stuck......